My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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