your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
