i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
