Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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