Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
