So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
