he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
