you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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