So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
