Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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