end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
