someone get that fucking seahorse.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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