I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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