no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
