I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
