My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
