butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
