how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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