Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
