I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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