ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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