dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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