This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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