i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
