I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
