why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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