What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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