She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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