What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you didnt know i had herpes?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize