Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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