Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
