Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I still have a little drunk in my system
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
