$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
