Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
