You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there is glitter all over my balls
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