I think I won the penis lottery.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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