As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
