On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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