her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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