on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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