i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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