what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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