Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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