I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
