Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
