Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
