Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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