Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
