hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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