Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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