I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
