There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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