I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
