I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
