shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
