Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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