we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
