I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
