party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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