Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
