Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
