You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
