No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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