she was so not down for the gang bang
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.