I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!