that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In America we eat man semen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.