I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When are your genitals available?