watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny